Photos of Sarah Jessica Parker

cockroach1by Charlie Keys Bohem 

To the person(s) who continue(s) pasting photos of Sarah Jessica Parker to the walls of the maintenance floor, we ask that you desist immediately. As you are probably aware, the building is in the midst of dealing with a mild cockroach infestation, and the wheat paste used to affix the images of Ms. Jessica Parker to the walls attracts the insects. We would also like to remind you that, while within the obvious guidelines provided by the landlord your apartment is yours to do with as you wish, breaking into the maintenance floor constitutes trespass.

Additionally, the symbol drawn on Ms. Jessica Parker’s forehead is a violation of building policy prohibiting gang signs and attire. We assume the symbol, a double sided crook with the heads in opposite orientations, has appeared on all of the photos, although a significant number have been too severely consumed by cockroaches eating only the facial area, likely due to the centered concentration of paste. Each of the posters could conceivably constitute a separate offense.

Lastly, the Pharaoh Amenhotep is not “Rising” – he has been dead for several thousand years and will very likely stay that way. We ask that you contain your love of Egyptology and of Ms. Jessica Parker in your own apartment, and discontinue the use of wheat paste before the infestation gets out of hand.


Charlie Keys Bohem is a high school senior living in Los Angeles, California. He hopes to be the first creatively published neuropsychopharmacologist.
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