By Robert Norton
I usually don’t drive through the night, but I spent a few hours at the casino and I needed to catch up. Most truckers suck down energy drinks or chew pills to stay awake, but nothing keeps me up like a rowdy pecker. So I watch porn on a little TV I got mounted on my dashboard. All it takes is the sound. I don’t have to take my eyes off the road much, only during the good parts. So I’m horny as hell by the time I roll into the gas station at sunrise.
It’s a weekend morning so the mini-mart is busy with vacationers. The first person I spot is a young guy over by the map section. He’s wearing some tight jeans, almost like a girl, so I give him a try. Wet hot pink is all the same when you need some.
“Where you going?” I ask and lean up against the map rack so my tank top sags open. I’m not an attractive guy, but I’ve got some hard muscles.
“Portland,” he says but he doesn’t look down my shirt so I can’t tell if I’ve got a shot yet. I flex my right bicep a couple times and make the devil girl tattoo dance.
“Nothing between here and there. Just a few wild bars,” I hint hoping he’ll take the bait.
“I was thinking about seeing Hell’s Canyon on my way home. You ever been there?”
“Yeah, it’s a real nice place.” I’ve never been there so I can’t keep the conversation going and he wanders off when he gets the chance.
Next, I see this tight little Asian woman getting a fancy coffee drink by the soda machines. I stroll on over but she’s so pretty I feel nervous and clumsy when I get close. I fumble around with the cups and spill a stack of lids on the floor. She looks over and smiles. It’s a nice smile—clean and innocent and friendly. She didn’t even mean anything by it, but when she walks away I feel like the dirtiest dude in the world for thinking anything about her. As I’m standing there watching her leave, I see the guy I tried to pick up earlier notice me staring at her. He makes a face, like I’m a jerk for thinking I even had a chance, and that pisses me off and makes me feel worse.
I should take him out back and beat the crap out of him but instead I escape to the movie section. I’m always watching movies and I’ve seen some good ones, not just porn, foreign ones with subtitles even. You might call me a movie expert. This is my last hope, but no one comes. Not even another trucker.
I’ve got to be in Seattle by the end of the day, so I hit the road again. I’m feeling tired but I don’t want to watch any more porn. Those girls never smile.