Threesome

by Grant Flint

“Do you ever think about a threesome, Edgar?”

“Threesome?  Threesome?  I don’t know, Hilda.  You mean, that’s some sort of card game?  I don’t much like cards.”

“No, Edgar.  It’s more than a card game.  Much more.  A great deal more.  We could have a threesome.”

“Is it permitted?”

“I can’t hear you, Edgar.  You can speak louder.”

“No, I mean, Hilda.   I’m going to whisper this.  You listen.  Is it permitted?  Here, I mean.  The rest home.”

“I can’t hear you, Edgar.  Could you speak up?”

Rest home.”

“Yes.  Our little rest home.  Don’t you love it here, Edgar?  But there should be more threesomes.  Have you thought of that?  A threesome?  Have you considered?  Don’t look away.  We’re friends, aren’t we, Edgar?”

“Friends.”

“Right.  And you can still do it, can’t you, Edgar?  I hope you don’t mind, I’ve seen your, no, don’t turn away.  Pull up here closer.”

“I don’t know.  Nurse will be around pretty quick.”

“I’m not going to hurt you, Edgar.”

“I know, Hilda.  But threesome?  I don’t quite get that.  Threesome.”

“Oh, it was common at the last place. Creek Valley?  The rest home?”

“Threesome.”

“Yes.  Threesome.  Wait.  Nurse is coming — ‘Good morning, nurse.’”

“Good morning, Hilda.  How are we feeling today?”

“We are feeling quite well, thank you.  Nurse, I have a question.”

“Yes, Hilda.  Shoot away.”

“Is there, or is there not, a prohibition on, visitation?  In each other’s room?  I mean us.  We, here.  Not visitors from outside.  Not our children.  I mean, us.  We, here.”

“Visiting?”

“Yes, you know, in each other’s room.”

“Visiting?”

“You know.  Talking.  Like Edgar.  He could wheel himself in?  To my room?  It’s unclear.  The procedures.  At my last place, Creek Valley?  Oh there was visiting.  We could even have two guests in our room.  I don’t mean our children, as visitors.  I mean us.  In our rooms.  Two guests.  No, not guests, I mean, us, here, we who live here.”

“I don’t know, perhaps I don’t quite understand .”

“She means, Hilda means, can I visit her in her room?  Anytime?”

“Edgar – let’s let Hilda speak for herself…”

“And, nurse — could I also — could I have Edgar here visit me in my room, and Tommy?  Three of us?  Is that possible?”

“Well — I don’t know, Hilda.  I suppose so.  If that’s what you want.  If there is staff enough around that time of day.  Not too confusing.”

“Oh, this would be at night.”

“At night, Hilda?”

“Oh, yes.  At night.  That’s the way it was at my last place. Creek Valley?”

“I don’t understand.  At night.”

“Oh, yes.  At night.  It was wonderful.  Threesomes.  And — I don’t quite know if you —  You could come, too.  If you wish.  To our threesomes.  Then it would be a foursome.”

“Foursome.  Hilda, did I bring you your 2 PM pills?”

“You mean the Prozac.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You didn’t bring it.  I don’t want it.”

“Are we being resistive today, Hilda?  A little resistive?”

“Okay.  Nurse, I’ll tell you.  You bring me my 2 o’clock pills.  And we’ll consider you for a foursome.”

“I’ll get the pills.”

“I’ll be here, nurse.  Not too much place to go. Edgar?”

“Yes, Hilda.”

“She’s gone, she can’t hear.  Do what I do.  Con her.  Pretend to take the downers.  You know what they are, don’t you?”

“Tranquilizers.”

“They’re like they use in the military.”

“The military, Hilda?”

“They suppress our sex drive. That’s how they control us.  Now what you do is… you do want a threesome, don’t you?”

“Maybe a twosome to start?”

“Twosome, threesome, foursome, don’t swallow the pills.  Fake it.   I think I hear her coming down the hall.  I can’t hear much, but I hear her.  Quick.  Date? Midnight?”

“Yes.”

“Nurse.  Oh good, you have my pills.  Oh, and some for Edgar, too.  Isn’t that nice?  We can sit here and take our pills together, right, Edgar?  Like good friends.  It’s wonderful to do things together, isn’t it Edgar?”

“Yes.  Indeed.  Oh, yes.”

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Grant Flint is 81 and publishes a lot of stories and videos (see “Grant Flint” on Google). He does stand-up and wonderful online personal ads. He’s been nominated for a Pushcart Prize.
 
 
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