Up North

by Richard N. Bentley 


He’d come to Northern Michigan, and the lake gulls were shrieking at him. He’d been on vacation only two days, but he sat around the cabin, springing up now and then to go to the window and back. It was too chilly to go out onto the beach. The sky looked like rumpled tinfoil and the wind was strong and cold. Lake Superior came rolling up to the beach with thundering splashes.

He would go to the door, then return and slump by the fire. I also heard him last night, walking around upstairs in the night, mumbling swear words in the darkness.

This morning he fidgeted around the cabin for an hour, not eating anything.

“Demon,” he said. “No, that’s not it.”

Lucy, my sister, had wrapped a blanket around her. She shivered and looked out the window. “Demeanor,” our father said. He laughed quickly and without humor, “No, that’s not the word.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad,” I said, “The word isn’t important.”

 Lucy said, “Dad, I can tell you the word.”

 “No, no,” our father said. He held up his hand. “I’ve almost got it.”

“Demeanor,” he said. He shook his head

We first noticed it last year when we drove up here. We stopped at a gas station. He put his wallet on the roof of the car while he filled the tank. Later, he said, “It was the credit card.”  The words on the gas pump flustered him — remove card rapidly.

We drove off with the wallet still on the roof. We didn’t discover the loss until we arrived here three hours later.

“Debilitate,” he says.”Dyslexia.”

“Dad, cut it out,” Lucy says, “you’re making us crazy.”

“Crazy,” he says.

The waves sweep along the shore.

“Dementia!” he says suddenly. “That’s it! Dementia. That’s the word the doctor used. Comes just before Alzheimer’s. Remember? Do you remember?”

“Dad,” I say, “don’t worry. The doctor said it could be a long way off. It doesn’t happen right away.”

Our father straightens himself before the window, watching the waves.

“A long way off,” he says.

He says, “Please keep helping me to remember…help me to keep remembering… the word.”


Richard Bentley has published fiction, poetry, and memoir in over 200 journals, magazines and anthologies on three continents, has served on the board of the Modern Poetry Association (now known as the Poetry Foundation), has been a Pushcart Prize nominee, and was the prizewinner in the Paris Review/Paris Writers Workshop International Fiction Awards. Before teaching writing at the University of Massachusetts, Mr. Bentley was Chief Planner for the Mayor’s Office of Housing in Boston, and, before that, he was graduated from Yale and from the Vermont College of Fine Arts (MFA degree). 
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